Long ago, I was on the set of a Hollywood action movie, surrounded by some of the best martial arts fighters in the world. These guys could run up a wall, flip over backward, and kick someone on the way down. They could land flat on their backs and bounce up into a standing and ready position. They moved so fast, the director had to figure out how to slow down their images so that audiences would be able to see what happened.
I was talking to one of the fighters – I have no idea who he was – and mentioned something about not wanting to see what happened if I made a fighter like him angry.
“No, no, we never get angry,” he responded. “As soon as a fighter loses his temper, he has lost.”
Lose your temper, and you lose. This lesson has stayed with me. Anger management is key to a successful career.
Around the same time, I had a boss who criticized me for not getting angry enough at a vendor who let us down. As calmly as possible, I explained that anger would harm my judgment, rather than enhance it. I didn’t have to be angry to take business away from the vendor, or otherwise show my disapproval; I merely had to use my brain. My boss backed off.
Here is a simple, three-step system for staying calm:
1. Anger = defeat
Step one is to equate losing your anger with defeat. When you lose your temper, you are virtually guaranteed to harm your own cause. You may not see immediate evidence of your defeat, but eventually it will become obvious.
Even if you can use anger to bully a vendor, colleague or friend, your bullying behavior will create a reservoir of resentment that will come back to harm you at a later date.
Anger management pays dividends for years to come.
2. Anger = stupid
Step two is to realize that anger makes you dumb. Your brain stops working clearly and you start acting without thinking. Your actions feed your anger, rather than your overall goals.
This is so true that the fastest way to defeat an opponent is to make them angry. This is why professional athletes often taunt their opponents.
Don’t lose your temper, unless you want to be the dumbest person in the room.
3. Slow down and observe
The more tension rises, the more you should slow down and observe the situation. This is going to take a bit of explanation.
Let’s say that Jake just accused your team of being incompetent and lazy, and threatened to pull all your funding. He’s senior enough to do it, so this scares and unsettles you. But he’s also a loud-mouthed jerk who threatens nearly everybody.
You are tempted to launch into an argument with Jake, and to point out that the last two “facts” he cited were dead wrong. Don’t do it. Simply take longer to look at him and think. Detach yourself from the situation.
Instead of reacting to his words, observe what’s happening. Is Jake threatened by something you said? Is he pounding his chest, just to prove how important he is? Does he want you to lose your temper, so he can then tell others you are not only lazy but also difficult to work with?
The faster Jake talks, the slower you should go. Think of yourself as an objective observer, rather than a combatant.
If Jake accuses you of not responding fast enough, don’t panic. Just look at him calmly and pause even longer. You control your actions, not him. You control your emotions, not him.
Slow.
Way.
Down.
Nine times out of ten, the calmer you get, the more frustrated “Jake” will become. He’ll defeat himself.
Bruce,
I absolutely agree with you that anger at workplace and business can beat you to ground. Calmness can give you a definite advantage over your "opponent", and help you be rational.
However, anger is valid in certain situations and prompts one to act. Emotions (e-motions) "move" us. There's a distinction between anger and rage. What you do or how you act when you get angry is important.