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I recently stumbled onto this video of Jerry Seinfeld explaining how to write a joke.
To be more specific, Jerry narrates the process of creating a funny bit about how Pop Tarts miraculously debuted when he was a kid. Until Pop Tarts, he says, “We were chimps in the dirt playing with sticks.”
As the comic routine evolved through a series of writing sessions (in longhand on his yellow legal pads), Jerry faced an obstacle. The funniest joke must be at the end, and this bit was pretty funny already. He needed an even funnier way to end it.
At long last, Jerry decided to list the many amazing things about Pop Tarts, and to close with this line:
“And they can’t go stale, because they were never fresh.”
That, I’d like to suggest, is one of those insights that is both stunningly non-apparent and blindingly true.
Here’s another one, which was my equivalent of Jerry’s flash of insight:
Your dreams and fears are neighbors.
What you want most in this world often resides alongside those things that scare you the most. That's one big reason why some people don't follow through. It's why they inexplicably don't act on opportunities. It's why some remain in Neutral while other, "less talented" people have long since shifted into Drive.
In other words, the problem isn't that they don't care. The problem is they care too much.
Our fears and dreams are inexorably linked. Obviously, different people behave and react differently. Some are certainly inspired by their dreams, and any fears they have pale in comparison to the lure of getting what they most want in life. But not everyone works this way; there are significant numbers of people whose dreams and fears are packed together.
So if your intention is to help others, to bring out the talents lurking inside them, you can't simply share your contacts and give them helpful suggestions. You also have to be prepared to help them identify and overcome their fears.
Some will say: this is ridiculous, folks like this just need to get some backbone.
Sure, in a perfect world, we'd all be courageous, and tenacious, and honorable, and pure. But are all part of humanity, and the human condition is that we are far from perfect.
So, next time you are tempted to write someone off because they did not take your advice, please think twice. You, too, have fears. Show some empathy, practice compassion, and give your friend another chance. But next time, see if you can help bring any fears out into the open, where the light of day may scare them away.
So incredibly true, Bruce!