Who Am I Being?
From time to time, I’ll share modest “bonus” newsletter issues—such as this one—in which I share a single thought or image that might be helpful to you…
Years ago, I had a neighbor who was obsessed with the education of his children. In his mind, a proper education created opportunity, and opportunities are what drive a successful life.
In other words, his intention was positive.
But the reality was pretty ugly.
His obsession with education caused him to push everyone around him: his kids, teachers, school administrators and even other community members.
He attacked anything that infringed on his definition of what a “good education” meant. He’d engage in frequent battles with his kids, anytime they exhibited less effort than he thought was appropriate. When his son or daughter got a “bad” grade (such as a B-), he would wonder to their face whether they had what it takes to go to a good school. The result: stressed out, angry and frustrated kids.
If an assignment from school didn’t seem challenging enough, he sometimes would call the teacher or even the principal to complain.
He came across as one of those pushy pushy parents who desperately wanted his children to be far above average, even when they weren’t.
One time, when we were in a very relaxed setting, I asked my neighbor about his strategy for providing his children with a top notch education, and specifically asked who he was being when he berated his kids for a bad grade or for “rushing” through their homework.
He stared at me blankly, not understanding the question.
I persisted. I said something like, “Are you being a supportive parent, giving your kids unconditional love? Or are you being something else, that may not be as constructive?”
(I was trying to help him see the destructive path he was cutting through his family and community.)
He changed the subject, probably thinking I was one of those parents who gave awards to my kids simply when they showed up.
“Who am I being?” is a profound question that many people don’t even bother to ask, never mind answer.
I’ll give you a personal example.
This piece of calligraphy is on the wall over my bed. It represents the way I want to be: focused on cultivating peace in myself, with the belief that doing this successfully will cultivate peace in the world.
In reality, I’ve spent much of the past few weeks spending too much time reading Twitter (I seldom post) and getting overstressed about breaking news.
I’m not being who I want to be.
Thus, I can’t offer you a prescription for perfectly navigating this challenging quest. All I can offer you is a valuable question:
“Who am I being?”
I encourage you to find your own answer.